I Am Not Sure

Tonight
My first despondent tears in 2020
Not sure for what

I am afraid
To lose
Again
Again
Again
...

No
Please
No
...

If you know, I never be that mad at you before
So I tried to not caring at how you feel or what my silence does to you
But I know that somewhere inside, I’m perfectly aware of what you are feeling
I know what I did was wrong
It was like a demon erupted in me and told me to revenge by leaving

Still, I am not sure of what happened that day

Maybe too many good things left me before
So I'd rather leave than being hurt, than being the one who gets left
Still, I am not sure

I've got to stop this and I need your help
...

Thanks for calling me tonight
I am happy to hear from you again
I believe it's easier for you to let me go
But thank you for not doing so

I am sorry
for what I did
for disappointing you
and
for having nothing to say to you tonight
...

Always know you mean a lot to me
I hurt me more when I hurt you

Senin, 13 April
I can't remember when was the last time I cried this way. I guess 6 or 7 months ago.